Match Burning Out
by AwkwardHumanBeanThing
Summary: Lucy Heartfilia was described as the light of the quaint town of Magnolia. But that is nothing more than a lie. She's just a match, spreading what little flame she has to others, growing weaker herself each time. Or in which Lucy is simultaneously the strongest, and most fragile person in existence.


Heads up, this contains some seriously dark themes (suicide specifically). Please, remember, that there _are_ other options, and there are always people who love you. No matter who you are, what you are, what you believe, what you look like, or where you live, people care for you and need you around (and I'm always here too if ya need a pal). Life is just a series of challenges, and some challenges suck, majorly so, but you are better than them. Maybe it will take time, and maybe you'll need some support along the way, but you can and you _will_ survive. Afterall, you're you.

Okay. I'll shut up now. Please enjoy the story.

Xxx

Today was the day.

Bright morning skies, the sun peeking through the cotton fluff clouds, and a crisp breeze to create the perfect summer setting.

Yes, today was the day Lucy Heartfilia would die.

The girl had been suffering since she had been a child. Her mother had passed, and her father had neglected and rejected her as his own, and that big, fairy tale house she had been living in grew a little too empty for her liking. So, as soon as she graduated from high school in her hometown, she snatched the suitcase she had been storing under her bed since she was twelve and hopped on the nearest train and stayed there for as far as it went.

That's how she found her way in Magnolia, outrunning the darkness that chased after her. And she liked it there, that quiet little town. She became a small-time journalist, writing about events in their region.

But the darkness found her.

It didn't hit her all at once, it came in little waves.

The anxiety, the fear, and slowly the self-hatred grew and grew within her. Poisonous roots stemmed out from her very soul and tainted her veins with animosity towards everything she was, until she couldn't bear to look in the mirror anymore.

The pills stopped working, and with them, so did her mind. She was broken, shattered, and exhausted. Yet on the outside, she looked like every other young woman roaming the streets.

But that's all the past.

Today is all that matters. And today is the end of Lucy.

So, she dresses up, makes sure to look presentable as always – ties up her hair with pretty satin ribbons, applies her favorite makeup, adorns an ivory woven sweater, short skirt and lace up boots – and departs from her apartment towards a bridge on the outskirts of the town.

She always did like that bridge, overlooking the river below. It's a quiet little place, it's not wide enough to drive cars through, so relatively little people stay there. Lucy always enjoyed it though. The noise of the rushing water, birds chirping, and the occasional child laughing was just loud enough to temporarily drown out the sounds of her own mind.

It's the perfect place for her to finally stop listening altogether.

But when she arrived, there is a little girl standing on the edge, toes hanging off the end, and balanced leaning ever so slightly forward. Panicked, and slightly bitter that her plans have been delayed, Lucy approached the child.

Closer to her, Lucy could hear the broken whimpers the little girl emitted as her body convulsed with a heavy, gasping sobs.

"Don't do it." Lucy couldn't stop herself. She didn't know why she ever even began talking in the first place. This child's business did not concern Lucy in the slightest, but she couldn't help it.

The girl's electric blue hair whipped around as she turned to face Lucy. And the sight that ingrained itself into Lucy's mind broke her heart – a child with eyes as broken as her own, tears welling up and flooding down her porcelain cheeks, and a slim frame that Lucy feared would blow away in the breeze, threatening to fall backwards towards the abyss of water and nothingness below.

"What?"

Lucy proceeded to approach the youth and stand before her. "You shouldn't be here. You don't have to be here." Lucy doesn't know why she keeps talking. It's not her place, this isn't the time, she should just walk away, there's no need to –

"It's my only choice."

"There are other options." And Lucy knows that wasn't the most delicate way to address it, but to be fair she has no idea what the hell she should say. There's no turning back, and she needs to say something, so whatever words that come tumbling out of her mouth will have to do.

The girl shakes as she grows angrier with Lucy's lack of sympathy. "No, there aren't. I don't have enough money to run away from this place or even pay for food."

And Lucy doesn't know how to respond. She doesn't know how to appease this little girl's mind, so instead she decides to offer the measly girl her hand.

"C'mon. I have some chicken soup back in my apartment, and I make a killer grilled cheese."

She just stares at Lucy for a moment, glancing between her outstretched hand and wide smile, before accepting her offer and following her to the promise of food.

Lucy learns the girl's name is Wendy, and she had run away from an orphanage nearby. After some coaxing and having a couple of the workers make a surprise visit to Lucy's home, where Wendy had been staying, Wendy finally decided to return to the orphanage with a vow to write Lucy often and visit as much as possible.

And Lucy was happy she could help someone, but finds that she is so terribly lonely with the little girl's absence from her home.

Xxx

It's been a few months since Lucy first met Wendy on the bridge, and Lucy finally worked herself up to try again. It's a bit cooler than last time, the sun isn't as bright and there is a constant wind that rustles the leaves, but Lucy figures it's better than never. So once again, she dresses up and leaves the house.

Upon reaching the bridge, Lucy recognizes that she is not alone. Perched on the very edge is a woman with fiery red hair, looking down at the rushing water below, leaning further, and further.

And before Lucy registers what she's doing, she dashes forward and grabs the stranger by her wrist, yanking her back with such force that both of them tumble back and skid on the stones embedded in the path.

Lucy looks up, only to be met with raging dark, brown eyes. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?"

Apparently, Lucy has no filter because she demonstrated no control over any of her actions, especially the words that weave their way out of her mouth at such a rapid speed she doesn't have time to contemplate their effects. "What the hell is wrong with _me_? I just prevented you from falling off!"

"I _wanted_ to."

And that made Lucy sober up a bit. She doesn't really know what warranted the events that followed, but all Lucy knows is that the female that seemed to have such rage crumpled in on herself - her head stooped low, bangs shading her eyes, and her shoulders hung low.

"My fiancée, the only man I could ever, _will_ ever love, just disappeared. No note, no text, no kiss. And now all of his things are gone and I don't know what to do because we were going to get fucking married and now he's not here, and I just – "and she broke down, cries shaking her form.

And Lucy didn't know what else to do, but offer her hand and walk with her to the nearest bakery, where they shared strawberry cake and tea while the woman – Erza, Lucy later discovered – vented about her life with the occasional input from Lucy.

It was nice. Lucy enjoyed spending time with Erza, even if it was heartbreaking to see her cry. But she knew that being there would help her new companion, so she stayed and offered her apartment for the time being until Erza decided what to do with her apartment and all of Jellal's, her ex fiancée's, belongings.

In that time, the two women bonded, and Lucy began to think of her as a sister she never had. Erza had many friends, and as it is bound to happen whilst sharing a living space, Lucy met many of them, including Levy, Mirajane, and Gray.

But Erza got back on her feet eventually, and after ridding herself of all memories of Jellal, she moved back in to her old apartment, leaving Lucy all alone again, where there wasn't enough noise to block out the voices that plagued and blackened her thoughts.

Xxx

This is it. This is the final time.

Lucy almost made it to the bridge, and made sure to enjoy the refreshing breath of nature for the last time. The sun was emerging from behind the horizon, beginning to shine down and outline the cobblestone streets that were still being illuminated by lampposts. In an attempt to avoid more people, Lucy ensured she woke up and started heading for her destination before the majority of the town even woke up.

But apparently all her effort was in vain. As she approached the bridge, Lucy discovered yet another outline standing on its edge. The corners of her eyes stung, perhaps from the tears that threatened to fall, and bitterness pulsed through her veins and burned deep within her being – why couldn't she catch a _break_ , damnit – but she managed to croak out to yet another stranger.

"Why are you here?"

And the figure simply turns around, not startled by the announcement of her presence. Squinting and taking a step closer, Lucy could make out what looked to be soft hair – seemingly tainted a hue of pink that reminded her of the azaleas in her mother's garden and the gowns she used to own. His eyes were a dark abyss of perpetual obsidian, and were glossy with the tears that lazily traced a path down his cheeks. Oddest of all though, was his smile – a wide, bitter grin that displayed a set of pearly, sharp teeth. Lucy supposed that without knowing the context of the situation, he would appear almost happy. His voice - a husky rumble, reminiscent of the firewood cracking in a bonfire - shocked her out of her trance.

"I'm done."

Lucy tentatively stepped closer, as if she was balancing on a high wire that threatened to throw both of them off if she made the slightest mistake. She continued to walk until she was beside him, and then sat down on the ledge, watching the sun struggle as it climbed higher in the sky and tried to envelope the town in a warm embrace.

After a moment or two, the man sat down beside her, admiring the sunrise alongside her, only occasionally disturbing the silence with a gasp for air or sniffle.

"My old man passed."

Lucy kept her eyes transfixed on the sun. Eye contact was intimidating, and she knew it must be embarrassing to be witnessed in one's lowest moment.

The man beside her choked before continuing on, his voice soft and quiet, "he was as tough as nails, a damn good man, and taught me everything. Then some god damn cancer comes around and ruins everything. I just – I don't know what to do without him."

Lucy can't dignify his explanation with a response, after all, her father wasn't as spectacular as fathers are meant to be, so she remains silent. And suddenly it strikes her, after an eternity of nothingness.

"My mother died when I was a little girl."

"I'm sorry."

This time Lucy looks over him, and quirks her lips in an attempt to grin. "Don't be. She was a wonderful woman. She cared for everyone she met, and was kind and encouraging to all those around her. She raised me and cared for both me and my dad. Before she died, she told me she was content with the life she had lived, and to keep smiling. I don't think she would have wanted me to be sad. Sure, it aches at first, but then you heal and you learn to smile, if not for yourself, for them. We are their legacy, and I think it's only right we make them proud."

He looks absolutely stunned, eyes wide and vulnerable like a little boy's, and his lips parted.

"I don't want to be alone."

So, Lucy stays there for a while longer, the two watching the sun until its entirety finally emerges from the skyline. They chat a little bit, Lucy carrying the bulk of the conversation, sharing stories about her friends and work and the angry land lady that scares her to death. He adds his own personal comments ever so often, sharing his name (Natsu), talking about his cat he spilled some blue paint on as a kid, and his lack of a proper bed - who the hell sleeps in a hammock?

Lucy makes a few calls, and Gray relents to having Natsu live with him temporarily. Lucy visits them every night, it's a nice bonding time, and invites all her other friends over often to introduce them to Natsu. They get along fairly well – all except for Gray, but Lucy suspects they have more of a brotherly relationship then they let on – and it's almost as if Natsu has been there all along.

Natsu and her eat lunch together every weekend too, and after discovering their shared love of cheesy horror movies, their brief lunches gradually morphed into full day excursions or late nights in Lucy's apartment, sharing a blanket and throwing popcorn at the screen every time a character makes a stupid mistake.

And at some point in time, Lucy found that she liked Natsu as a bit more than a friend, and then those outings weren't just platonic anymore. It was confirmed though, when they were watching Friday the Thirteenth, and Lucy made some off-hand comment about everyone who makes out in horror movies dies and Natsu looked over at her and said they should test that theory.

They did not end up getting stabbed by Jason Voorhees that night and Natsu proclaimed they were successful.

(Erza smacked Natsu on the back of his head the next day for that being the lamest way to make a first move, but Lucy still thinks it was pretty awesome.)

Xxx

Lucy stood, gripping the edges of the bathroom sink with a horrifying strength, staring deep into the eyes of her reflection. Her hair was a mess from her pulling at the golden locks, and her cheeks, a hot red, were still wet with the tears that flooded from her puffy, red eyes. She was a disaster, there was no hiding from that truth, and she threw open the cabinet, grabbing the bottle of pills inside.

She couldn't go to that bridge again. She couldn't find anyone else there, teetering over the edge, waiting for the embrace of the rushing waters below. She couldn't spread the light when she didn't have any left.

So maybe it was better this way. A handful of pills, and all the pain will go away.

With a desperate strength, she fumbled with the childproof cap, trying in vain to open the blasted capsule. But as she popped the lid open and poured its contents into her open palm, the buzz of her phone startled her.

And for god's sakes it was _Natsu_.

Stupid, fucking Natsu.

Her rage boiled over and she chucked the bottle at the wall, but as its contents scattered and rolled on the floor below, Lucy felt more helpless and exhausted than she had ever been.

Gasping for breath she crumpled to the floor, clutching herself as retching sobs shook her body.

It would have been easy, so fucking easy, to just be _done_ with it all before all this shit happened. Before she met Wendy, Erza, Natsu, even Happy. But now she can't, because she has people she truly fucking cares about depending on her, and she can't leave them in the dark, even if she has no light left for herself.

And that rendered Lucy completely and utterly powerless.

Because there was no fucking way she would ever hurt those people she cared about, even if it caused her a pain sharper than a blade against skin.

She was just a match, trying to spread the light, but all that's left are smoke and smoldering embers, and its not enough to keep her warm at night.

Xxx

Okay, that's it. I'll stop being depressing now, but first: **suicide is not a joke and it is not a solution**. There is nothing "romantic" or "magical" about someone ending their life. It is a serious problem, and it deserves to be dealt with. Our lives, although our own, also belong to other people. We live not only for ourselves, but also to make the people we love happy. So please don't decide to hurt them. Remember that there _are_ other ways, they just are a bit harder to look for. And involving other people and talking about what is going on is always helpful. An outside opinion is the best to help address and/or solve certain issues. This is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, just in case you decide you want to talk to someone and you feel like no one else is available (but I assure you someone is):

1-800-273-8255.

Please stay healthy and happy, because both you and the people around you deserve it.

Okay, now I'm done for real. Thanks so much for reading and have a wonderful day.


End file.
